ForEveryFriend.Com !!!!  When I was young I used to pray for a Harley. Then I realised that God doesn't  work that way. So I stole a Harley and prayed for forgiveness. This big ugly biker walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder, orders a beer and a shot. The bartender sets him up and says, "That's really cool, where did you get him?""Sturgis." Replied the parrot, "They're all over the friggin place!" Mechanic/Surgeon:   A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a motorcycle, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop.  The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.  The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix 'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and  whispered to the mechanic...  "Try doing it with the engine running!” Going Deaf: A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.   "What've I done, officer?" asks the rider. "Perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . .""Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!" A biker is riding along a country lane, when a sparrow flies up in front of him. The biker can't do anything and hits the sparrow. As he looks in his rear view mirror, he sees the sparrow lying in the road. Being the kind of guy he is, he stops, picks up the sparrow and takes it home and puts it in a cage, still in a coma. When the sparrow wakes up the following morning, he looks through the bars of the cage and says, "Shit, I must have killed the biker". Pub Quiz: So, I lost the pub quiz last night by one point. The last question was "where do most women have curly hair?"  Apparently the correct answer is Africa. The Train Trip: Sitting together on a train was Barack Hussein Obama, George W. Bush, a little old lady, and a shapely young blonde lady. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The old lady thinks: Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him. The blonde girl thinks: Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him. Obama thinks: Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark.  She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead. George Bush thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack Obama again, for blaming me for everything he's done wrong.  CHINESE SICK LEAVE  : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'   Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.' The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my   wife and tell her to give me sex.That Makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.' Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say and I feel Great.. I be at work soon.........You got nice house' THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and The eyesight to tell the difference. So Ole asks Sven, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off 'der boats?"  To which Sven replies,"Well, you know, if they fell forwards they'd still be in da dang boat!" There you have it..................................... Powerful Writer: There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer. When asked to define "great" he said "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error mesages.  Old three-boobed joke: God creates Eve first and gives her three boobs. When She asks Eve if there is anything She should change, Eve says that she could do without the middle tit. So, God took the third boob and made Adam.